Kid

Friday September 19, 2025

I spent an hour on Tuesday writing about political violence, propaganda, and my concerns about bringing a child into the world next week. I promised to chill with the politics, and frankly, nobody cares or wants to read textual Doom, so I scrapped it. If you want to read that version, you can ask.

But you’re here to be entertained, so let this monkey shut up and dance his feelings.

We’re having a kid next week! (Or maybe earlier!) Who knows how many times I’ve been asked if I’m ready, told to get my sleep in now, or been looked at with pitying eyes by parents with slightly older children. No longer. We’re about to be in it.

The tenor of these conversations about the first few months is really funny. It’s like we’re on our way to storm Okinawa, and nobody expects to see us again. Which, like, yeah, nobody will see us for a while, but the tone is always so dark it’s hard to reconcile that growing your family is a joyous event. It almost feels cartoonish at this point, and my expectations have been dragged to the point that I’m like half-expecting I’m going to resent my son and want to step out for cigarettes. The other half thinks, “There’s no possible way it can be as bad as people say.” I’m sure the truth, like all things in this world (if you’re capable of critical thought), lies somewhere in between.

Nonetheless, a terrified part of me still wonders if I won’t love the kid as much as the dog. I mean, am I naturally wired to just love him instinctually? How does innate, instantaneous love work?

Those fears beget more fears. I don’t blame friends or family for the anxiety and overthinking, but I do at least partially blame the greedy fucking raccoon paws of social media and news notifications on our phones. I used to feel it was important to be informed. Today, I realize that the people who feel a responsibility to be as self-righteously misinformed as possible are winning, and it’s eroding my ability to feel optimistic about my child’s life. Not just his future; a part of me wonders if we are doing something cruel by bringing him into this world in the first place. Every form of media reinforces this fear.

That sucks, which is why I’ve decided to disconnect for a while so my own mental health doesn’t deteriorate while I’m helping Lindsay keep this kid alive. I’ll still do this, since it is some depraved form of therapy, but Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, New York Times, and Apple News are all going in the trash bin for a bit. I’m not terminating the accounts, just the apps, but if you want to talk to me for some reason, you’ll have to do snail mail.

I think we’re going to be good parents. I think we’re going to raise a good kid. I think he’s gonna be pissed at me one day when he discovers he’s getting Truman Show’d by this weekly newsletter.

Alright. Last one as a childless adult. Let’s do this thing.

One Book: Goodnight Moon

When I think about parenthood, I tend to think years and years down the road. I wonder if other soon-to-be parents do this. The things I’m most excited for about parenthood are the interests Potato discovers, building LEGOs, playing catch, teaching him to ride a bike, to drive, seeing his first awkward interactions with a crush — all things after he’s learned to shit in the toilet.

I don’t think I know enough to know what to look forward to in infancy, but I do know I’m excited to read to him. And although it’s a grammatical war crime, Goodnight Moon will be at the top of the reading list. We’ve got two copies (thanks, Daisha Matthews!), so if we wear one out, no big deal.

One Song: “Ignition (Remix)” by R. Kelly

Lindsay said, “If you can pick the song that your child came into the world to, what would it be?” Well.

One Hollywood: Highest 2 Lowest, Apple TV+

Spike Lee’s newest joint came out a few weeks ago, and I watched it through two lunches. It was pretty good! Interesting pacing, kind of a dumb deus ex machina, but Denzel and A$AP Rocky were a match I did not know I needed. Boston lives rent-free in Lee’s head, but it’s cute. I want to watch a lot of movies with Potato over the next few weeks, so give me some suggestions.

One Food: Sushi

Overnighting Sugarfish or Nobu from LA is disgusting, but that’s the quality I’m looking for when Lindsay and I finally eat sushi again after almost a year. We have some decent sushi around here, for sure (locals: Sakana is great), but just like the West coast can’t compete on Chinese food, the East can’t compete on Japanese.