Poo
Friday June 5, 2026
On Wednesday, my mom chastised me for talking too much shit in this newsletter. “Shit” is doing extra work there because she was referring to both the bowel noises her grandson enjoys and the complaints I’ve made about our insurance adjuster. Unfortunately, I didn’t choose what Desi finds funny, and bad behavior does not deserve to go unaddressed.
Perhaps you agree with her and wish I would be less crass and nicer to people. Well.
I’m gonna talk some more poo.
This is really more of a pet peeve. We can all relate to pet peeves, right? My biggest one is people who leave their shopping carts in parking spaces. But a recent one, I’m learning, is people with kids who drive expensive cars but live in apartments. I’ve likely spent too much time writing content for predatory lenders, making me particularly sensitive to the silly ways people spend money. There are two men, specifically, in our building who aggravate me beyond belief.
Man 1 has three kids, two older girls and a boy, ranging probably from 5 to 10. This complex only has 1- and 2-bedroom layouts, so I know those three kids are sharing a bedroom, and I know it can’t be much bigger than Desi’s nursery because we’re in a corner apartment, which are the biggest units. What pisses me off about this man is that he drives a Rivian R1S — a roughly $80,000 car.
It’s funny, because I’ve always admired the Rivian R1S of some neighbors down the street from us who, incidentally, also have 3 young kids. The difference is, those neighbors just put a massive addition on their home, and I’m guessing have at least 4 bedrooms. The financial miscreant in Windsor at Oak Grove, on the other hand, is paying more than $4,000/month in rent to force his kids to share a room. They’re sort of remarkable foils for one another. I don’t know what the car payment is, but if it’s small, then that guy set fire to a down payment on a house for a rapidly depreciating altar of vanity. If he’s leasing, he had to put down $5,600 minimum and is likely paying more than $1,000/month. Our mortgage payment in Melrose, for a basically median house, is $4,708. I feel pretty confident they could afford a home here, or at least a 3-bedroom apartment, with a $500 car payment.
I don’t know him, so I should withhold judgment. But it’s very hard when I see his kids pile into the Rivian to not think, “If your dad drove a Subaru, you might all have your own bedrooms.” I feel especially bad for his oldest daughter, who looks like she’s on the cusp of middle school. Sharing your room with your 8-year-old brother sounds like a teenage girl’s worst nightmare. And also, kind of inappropriate? Who knows, maybe they have a plan for that, but I can’t see this beautiful car and not wonder how fucking dumb and selfish you have to be to prioritize a flashy car over your kids’ comfort.
Man 2 is a little different. He appears to be about 10-15 years older than Man 1, and his daughters are probably like 11 and 13. His Porsche 911 Carrera isn’t new, so I’m sure he didn’t spend the $135,000 sticker price for his midlife crisis. This family doesn’t necessarily need a big car, and I’ve never seen them struggle to fit anything in it. It’s not like they have a stroller to pack up. But the insurance on that car has to be insane, and again, he either put a shit ton of money down or he has a $1,500+ car payment while in a one-bedroom apartment. (It looks like a 2020/2021, so too old to be a lease.) I’ve seen this family enter their apartment — it’s small! What kind of twisted, narcissistic lunatic do you have to be to have two kids, a six-figure car, and a one-bedroom apartment? You’re a fucking parent, guy!
In both cases, I’ve never seen their wives drive the car. I’ve seen the wives. I’ve seen them get into the car. But I’ve never seen them drive. They might have their own cars, which makes this non-housing debt even more mortally sinful.
I’m not good at withholding radical judgment of people based on tiny bits of information, but I often at least chide myself for doing it. (I must have learned that from my mother.) But there is no chiding here. I don’t have enough information to make a judgment, but at the same time, I kind of have all of the information I need to make a judgment.
There is a major auto loan debt crisis in this country. There are certainly factors outside of consumer control, but we also have a national narcissistic personality disorder. We’ve collectively accepted that billionaires shouldn’t just exist, but that they’re aspirational. Of course, nobody is ever going to become a billionaire, but the easiest way to look rich is with a fancy car. And so many people are addicted to looking rich. These guys are dying to look rich.
I’m so close to hypocrisy on all of this, I know. We’re just about to finalize plans for a brand-new house that we’re scrambling to pay off debt and pump money into savings to afford. The difference is that this house will give our kid(s) better lives and have a return on investment. Will we look rich? Kinda, yeah. Will I like that? Yeah, definitely, I’m a snob. But are we doing it so we can look rich? No, we’re just making lemonade. So, we’re not the same as those guys. Shut up. Leave me alone.
Tomorrow, Lindsay and I are making a day trip to Wingdale, NY, to pick finishes for the house and determine the final touches before signing off on the plans next week.
One Hollywood: Widow’s Bay, Apple TV+
Widow’s Bay takes place on a remote, fictional New England island that has remained undiscovered by tourists and largely undeveloped, with few modern amenities. It’s also haunted, but Mayor Tom Loftis doesn’t want to admit that. He’s gotten the island a lead in The New York Times, and now the tourists are coming to save it. But, again, it’s haunted. (As you might guess from the ingenious SEO strategy in the screenshot above.)
Generally, I think the horror-comedy genre fails to pick a lane and just crashes straight through an exit median, but Widow’s Bay does a surprisingly good job of floating between them. It’s not campy, it’s not corny, and it doesn’t try too hard at anything. The characters feel like authentic, salty New Englanders, and the eeriness is so consistently understated beneath real character dynamics that you forget now and again how omnipresent the horror is. Sometimes the humor is so dry you almost miss it — best evidenced by one of the funniest lines I’ve ever heard on television in the first episode, about Widow’s Bay’s witch trials.
Lindsay and I have been working through this and The Pitt recently, and they’re a great one-two punch at the end of a long day.
One Song: @doctor_waffle
I don’t remember how I discovered Ryan Walter’s doctor_waffle, but I’m glad I did. He and his wife make these miniature figurines and sets and tell uplifting little stories through song. The songs are always catchy and it’s not uncommon that they get me a little misty-eyed with their sweetness. This recent one got me literally crying on the toilet this week.
One Ice Cream: Rocky Road
Map Tapp is the current viral game sensation, a la Wordle. You receive a place, and then you tap on the globe where you think it is, scoring points for proximity. It’s fun. But the best part is the little factoid you get at the end. It’s kind of what I aimed to do with this when I first set out, but I don’t know how anybody finds the time to discover interesting stories and factoids every day. Anyway, Tuesday’s was about Rocky Road ice cream. It’s not about the stuff in the ice cream, it’s because it was invented during the Great Depression and Dreyer’s wanted to give people a lift up on the rocky road they were facing.
One Book: The Fall of Hyperion by Dan Simmons
The first book in the Hyperion Cantos appeared in this newsletter when I first started it a few months ago. I was apprehensive then, but man, this saga rocks. It took forever to get The Fall of Hyperion off of Libby and I’m only about half way through because it’s hardcore sci-fi and not the easiest literature to process before bed, but I’m happy to report I’m all in. If you like sci-fi even a little, this space opera based on The Canterbury Tales is a must-read.